I remember long ago when I just didn’t care, I didn’t have any awareness of myself let alone my environment.
Now as an adult it’s actually my job, my duty, my life role in challenging all that comes before me.
What I mean is this, when you believe you are a certain way, that you were born into a particular type of life and it’s just the way things are you tend to roll with life as if it was just so.
We take what is handed down without question and then wonder why we have what we have or got where we got, we just believe.
I grew up in a life where my body was my biggest burden I hated it, due to events in my life, I had no idea how to have pride or self-love. My body had been abused from such a young age that it just became this thing that my head was attached to and I pretty much hated it, it was a burden.
So when I was raped, that’s the word I’ll use because that’s what it was, it wasn’t violent, but it was forced upon me without my consent. I didn’t resist, I was frozen, paralyzed, the foul words that filled the air didn’t evoke any feeling within me.
I was conditioned to not being present in my body, and I was only 17.
There is a moment that we stop living within us, I mean connected to us, we give up being the Gate Keeper of our mind, our body, our life, we become susceptible to things happening in it that cripple us even more. Often they just wash over us like another wave of pain, another confirmation of worthlessness.
THIS CAN BE CHANGED, trust me I know.
I decided the day I looked my daughter in her tiny eyes as they opened for the first time, I whispered “you will never know my pain”, I vowed to not just protect her BUT learn to find and protect myself.
That’s the day I started to RISE, the day I decided I will learn to love respect and honor my very being, learn about the very heart that beats within me.
As my second daughter arrived, there wasn’t a bone in my body that wasn’t conditioned by that time to love her, protect her and step forward again to be more, I had learned to love myself.
I decided to step back into a body that I evacuated at the tender age of eight and breathe a new life into it.
I feed my body food that conditions and creates strength, I exercise out of love for every part of it, I walk tall because that’s how my backbone now sits.
People ask me today why do you do what you do, why are you so strong in your mind and body?
my answer is simple, “because I learned how powerful I truly was.”
I AM THE GATEKEEPER OF MY WARRIOR SOUL.