Where to begin, I don’t usually write about such things not because it shouldn’t be said but more so because there hasn’t been anything to write about that I felt called to. BUT so much has changed for me in the last few months that it’s hard not to scream it out.
When I hit forty I was definitely in a slump, I wasn’t happy, I left my husband, I moved jobs, I hated my body, I was searching, BUT I had no clue what for.
I just knew what I had, sucked big time, now looking back it wasn’t that bad at all, I now know I was just living in resistance.
Sex was something that felt like a ‘thing’ on my list of chores to do then it got to the point that I had no desire at all, and would look at my husband with the thought of “is this it” IS THIS the rest of my life, because when I dreamt it was a very different dream to the one I had before me. So when I looked at my life, and it didn’t match up with my dream I got resentful, my actions took up home in that space.
My work wasn’t fulfilling, my body ballooned my family falling apart before my very eyes. Then I completely dried up it was like every ounce of fluid in my body was gone, I felt starved of oxygen angry at everything, it was like I was in some sort of twilight zone of misery.
When people looked in at my life, they saw a very different picture. I’m here to tell you hormones are a bitch of a thing, I never in a million years would have targeted that being a contributor of all ‘evil’ in my world.
I went and had a full set of bloods done, and BANG there IT was, the words falling from the Dr’s mouth; suggesting I NEED TO have HRT, I was horrified, deeply horrified, WHEN did that happen.
Anyway it dragged on and I refused, I preferred to take a different path and started cleaning up my life once again, BUT this time with a very different vision, it wasn’t about saving myself it was about feeding the dream that was in my head, and so I set about wanting to step into those feelings, the want, need and desire high on my list.
I remember sitting my husband down and telling him where I was in life and what was happening, I was miserable and was searching externally for ‘a pill’ to make it all feel better, all I needed from him was for him to not speak EVER, I do say that with a smile now but at some level I was serious.
My husband and I had always had an incredible sex life, and he has always had this ‘power’ that made me feel protected, loved and completely safe, maybe it was the fact that he was a kickboxer and had the strength and underlying assurance that he could handle himself; maybe I just found that as sexy as hell, who knows but life had always been uncomplicated in the sex department. BUT somewhere in there, my mind had made it incredibly complicated along the path.
NOW I’m not saying hormones were all to blame it was definitely my lifestyle and what I had placed in my mind and visited daily like a shrine, reinforced and rolled in it so to speak, I was the creator of my life at that time.
I am grateful for many things in my life but none more than my ability to push past my own bullshit and never give up on the desires that stir my soul.
Today when I look in the mirror I’m entirely happy with what stands before me, I use words of empowerment in my thinking, I’m my own cheer squad.
But I made a conscious choice a long time ago to create this life on my terms and in a state of FLOW. To do this, I had to go diving deep into the life I had, the one I was living right then and there. I knew I had to mold it and make it what I wanted. It was tough, but I held the vision of what I wanted at the front of my thinking, the desire I wanted to feel the passion, I wanted to have it dripping from every part of me and the deep love that makes my heart skip a beat, I wanted that too, I wanted it all.
I now wake up everyday living that dream.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s been tough, and a lot of hard work between us, we both know that it would have been so much easier to walk away permanently.
Many of the programs I teach are all based on what I’ve not only learned but overcome myself.
The biggest selling program I ever did was Relationship Bootcamp ‘Four weeks to reconnect or disconnect’.
Hahaha yes yes that’s going to be a take home ‘Mindset Box’ for couples to work through, AND I’ll be running live events at some of the most beautiful destinations, BUT more about that later.
I’m now forty-eight and am in the best shape mentally and physically I could possibly be in.
We all have a choice you can choose to sit in the environment you are in or change it completely by taking charge of YOU, doing the internal work, then start cleaning house around you.
Happy; comes from having a healthy mind and body, so my best advice is to start there and do the work. Feeling turned on comes from a place of desire and passion, a place of complete surrender to all of you.
Passion Purpose flow, you can have all of it!
The question is are you willing to do the work?